Never
by DiandraandSnape
Summary: Sirius once told me that Remus had mentioned I was good looking. When I asked my cousin what Remus had liked, he replied, “Your hair color and eyes.” If you haven't realized what I'm trying to say, I'll spell it out for you: my husband, is gay. NTRLSB


_Warning: Both Tonks and Remus are psychotic in this fic. It is a bit choppy. I do not want comments on either of those things as I warned you about them. Thank you and enjoy. _

Never

I always wondered why he was so resentful. I never quite understood what was wrong…it was just so confusing. When I finally found out, I was baffled. I always thought he was just sweet and sensitive, I never imagined _that_. He was my Remus, no matter how much he didn't want me.

I suppose that was my problem, though. I wanted him to want me _so_ much that I created a mental image for myself. If I loved him that much, he surely loved me back, right? Wrong. He never wanted me. As I later found out, he was guilted into marrying me and then later supporting our child. In his defense, he'd made Teddy and I outcasts, but we would never have cared.

Sirius once told me that Remus had mentioned that I was good looking. When I asked my cousin what Remus had liked, he replied, "Your hair colour and eyes." I should've figured it out, but _no_. Daft little me pretended that it was cute for Remus to like pink. And my eyes? Of course Remus liked them! I'd never changed them, meaning they were Black eyes; same as Sirius' to the last droplet of colour.

By now, you've probably realized what surprised me so much about my husband. If you haven't, I'll spell it out for you: Remus Lupin is gay. Remus Lupin had a thing for my precious cousin. My cousin had a thing for Remus Lupin. Remus Lupin and Sirius Black had been together since they realized their 'love' for each other in sixth year.

Even when Sirius was taken to Azkaban, Remus remained loyal. Hearing that made my eyes well up with tears; Remus never gave up on Sirius the same way I never gave up on him. He was in love with my bloody cousin his entire life and there was nothing I could do about it.

I finally figured this out when I was cleaning our bedroom. Most witches would have just cast a spell, but I'd never been good with household chores, so I was scrubbing the hard wood floors on my hands and knees. Suddenly, something interesting caught my eye. At the base of the four-poster bed,_ SB+RL FOREVER _was engraved.

I was astounded, both at my obliviousness and the boldness of the statement. I knew that the handwriting wasn't that of my husband. Sirius had written it, probably when the pair had been embracing on the floor after a good shag.

I should've known something was wrong; there were so many signs! Too many for me not to make note of and put together. How stupid can a girl get?

Whenever we made love, he would beg me to darken my hair. Not make it longer, as would be expected, but make it as black as was possible. He kept his eyes shut in a pained way, as if the sex was disturbing him.

I never understood it then, I suppose I thought it was just the way he acted. The dark hair confused me, but I figured it was just a fetish. Unfortunately, it was only that he wanted to pretend I was Sirius. He wanted to forget I was there and try to imagine someone else. Realizing that broke my heart.

The worst was when I told him I was pregnant. He started saying things like "How could you get pregnant? Men don't get pregnant, silly." So I cried. I cried for days and weeks and months until the baby was about to be born. He thought I was a man…he thought I was Sirius.

Just as I imagined him to be a perfect, caring, wonderful man, he imagined me to be my late cousin; the one and only love of his life.

Before long, I got the hint. I kept my hair black unless we were out in public. I widened my shoulders and shrank my bosom and hips. Every womanly feature, down to the last manicured finger nail, I forced myself to make masculine. He hadn't even asked me to change. That was how in love with Remus Lupin I was.

People started to notice when he began referring to me as 'he'. They'd give me looks and I tried my best to ignore them, though it grew more and more difficult as time grew on. It was especially hard when Teddy was born.

He was the most beautiful boy and Remus was excited that he was ours. He didn't care any longer that I supposedly wasn't able to have children, he was just happy that he had one. He cooed over our baby and showed him off to all of our friends. With this new finding, they figured he'd snapped back into it. How wrong they were.

"Sirius, go check on the baby, I think he's crying," he'd say to me time and time again.

"I'm Tonk—Dora, you're wife, Remus. Not Sirius, he's gone. I'll go get Teddy…" I'd explain to no one in particular as I walked down the hallway. I'd scoop the baby in my hands and watch his hair change from his father's dirty blond to dark black, mimicking mine.

The sight alone makes me tear up; this beautiful baby boy was born to a delusional father and a depressed mother. How the hell was he going to turn out? I was worried sick that he would go insane by the time he was four. But what could I do about it?

Die. I could die, alongside my husband, to protect little Teddy from a fate worse than death. At the last battle for Hogwarts, I was warned to stay behind, but I didn't listen. I knew what I had to do.

Remus and I fought against the Death Eaters, matching them spell for spell. All the while, my brain was working overdrive, trying to come up with a plan. I finally found the perfect thing.

I transformed myself, while still fighting, into an exact image of Sirius Black. I stepped closer to Remus and gave him a wink. His eyes lit up and he quickly kissed me, wand still raised and at the ready. It was the only time I'd ever felt that his love for me was real.

I pulled away, through giving Remus one last dream come true before our death. I changed back and dropped my wand, knowing what was going to come next. My aunt stepped from the shadows and sent an _Avada Kedavra _my way. I was prepared, I was happy to die to save my son. Unfortunately, my planned worked far too well. Remus stepped in front of me just as the Unforgivable Curse was to hit me. He fell to the floor, cold and dead.

I felt a single tear fall from my eyes as the next curse thrown by Aunt Bella hit my chest and darkness enveloped me…

_A/N: (To all of my frequent readers), I'm so sorry that I recently deleted many of my stories. Read the note on my author's page for more information. _

_(To everyone else) I may make this into a novella, but I most likely won't. I have much more planned for all you Sirius/Remus shippers, but you'll just have to wait to find out what. Please review to let me know what you thought. _


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